Woohoo! Two posts in one week. Today I will be talking about stress.
Stress is a funny thing as it doesn’t sound like much but even the word itself, is stressful. In the past few months this word turned my world upside down. In the month prior to getting married, my husband lost his job due to the business closing and had a lot of trouble finding a sustainable job that could even support our monthly Spotify payment. I don’t blame him for it taking so long but it did cause a lot of stress on us as individuals as well as our relationship. Here we were living our lives just fine and dandy but now, we have to pay rent on just a baristas salary. With a small wedding to pay for as well as rent, groceries and bills it all became very hard, very fast. With not having enough money came me having to work more, which also came with being tired all the time, which also came with not getting enough sleep, which eventually came to my immune system getting weaker, which caused me to get sick, which resulted in not being able to work, and don’t forget the ever dreadful finals week. Along with this paired finding energy to work out hard which resulted in, you guessed it, more stress. Also, sometimes all you really want to do is go out for dinner with your husband. So let me break that down for you: Bills + rent + wedding – sleep – working out + sick – money = stress. It’s kind of funny how these things seem to all pair together one way or another. Granted, we did get a lot of very generous wedding gifts, but most of them were spent on essentials like food, toilet paper, and our credit card payment. If you add in a couple of car repairs and the Christmas season all of these incidents can add up to a very stressful couple of months. I’ve heard that after you get married you tend to be on cloud nine but for us that didn’t reign so true. We never got into any fights but it’s very hard to be in a honeymoon phase when you are physically and emotionally exhausted all the time.
Fast forward to now and things are much better. We have more income, less bills, two working cars to get us to work, a soft and fuzzy cat, and most importantly we finally have time to spend with eachother. While most of our stress was financially based and I know there will be harder times in our marriage, I’m very glad this short period of our lives is finally over. Since all of this stress has ended my life, as well as my husbands’, has become miles better and you can tell just by looking at us. To start off, I have a much clearer head. I am able to logically think without going into a panic over my plan. Without my clouded mind I have been better able to take care of myself as well. I’ve been able to read more, eat better, work out and have spent more time thinking positively and be thankful for all that I have. Now, notice that I said I was able to do these things. I use the word able because I believe that when people get into states such as these, it is nearly impossible for our minds to work in a rational way. It’s almost as though our brains become paralyzed with our stressful thoughts and even though we know better, it can seem impossible to be normal some days.
Along with this stress free life my relationship has become better. We work more as a team, we feel more comfortable taking to eachother, are having more sex and have found more time to just talk. For example; Today while having lunch in my car we had the first real conversation we’ve had without a phone in front of our faces for a long time.
The best outcome of my stress free life though is that for the first time in months I have been excited. Don’t get me wrong I was very excited to get married but I can be hard to be excited when you’re trying to figure out how to get enough gas to get to the courthouse. To give you an example, tonight I was excited just to go on a date with my husband. We went and got very subpar Italian food and ended up just going home after because the roads were so snowy, but it was awesome to spend some real time with him and it made me endlessly happy. I’m also excited to go on our vacation in a week and not even a little stressed about having enough travel money so huzzah to that!
I choose to write about this because I found it crazy how much my stress has had an impact on my life in the past few months. The changes I have felt physically, emotionally, and mentally really gave me a good look at what stress has the possibility of doing to you. From this reflection I hope to gain insight to the next time I feel this way and hopefully deal with it in a more healthy and mindful way. It’s hard to say for the future but as of now, I’ve finally hit that honeymoon phase and I hope it never fades away.